Mis-Shapes
by Padfoot24601
Summary: AU. In a world where the most feared wizard in history is rising again, it can be impossible to have a normal school life. Teddy Lupin is going to try, though, even if he does yearn to charge into the fray himself.


_**Disclaimer - It would be wrong of me to claim that I own Harry Potter and Nirvana songs so I won't.**_

**I'm sort of posting this as a preview as I'm curious as to how people find it and also to fix any major bugbears that people mention in reviews. Because of that I'm going to warn you that you'll be waiting a **_**very**_** long time for the next chapters as I haven't written them yet. I would also like to warn you that this story is quite Au and is set in a world where Voldemort is still around along with many other characters. It will probably focus as much on my Ocs as it will on the canon characters.  
And yes, the title is from the Pulp song and all of my chapter titles will be song names. Seriously, give Pulp a listen - they're awesome!**

**Enjoy :)**

Girls and Boys

Devon has long been famed for its magnificent summers and 2013 has been no exception; due to the rocketing temperatures the small villages and seaside resorts have seen an influx of tourists.

Blistering sun shines down onto the picturesque village, causing its inhabitants to retreat into their houses in search of shade or to submerge themselves in the sparkling seawater.

The slightest of breezes combats the waves of sickening heat and makes the grass sway lazily.

Slightly away from the village, on the edge of a cliff on path to the beach, is a large stone cottage of which people take a wide berth.

Two of its residents sit outside on deckchairs with dog-eared books whilst another potters about in the cool kitchen.

Upstairs, on the floor of the second bedroom, lay four teenagers. The large window had been flung open the previous day in hope of coaxing in any whispers of fresh air that dared to pass.

The bedroom belongs to Teddy Lupin and is covered, wall to wall, by numerous photos and pictures. Above the bed is a particularly big poster of a wizarding rock band.

Teddy has finally hit his growth spurt over the summer and is now taller than the rest of his friends and his father.

The newly gained height is a welcome surprise though unfortunately has caused skinny, angular look to overtake, which Teddy's mother has joked would cause social services to start poking around.

Music blares from wireless radio sitting in the corner of the room. The teenagers had turned onto the muggle music station ran by fanatic wizards on the WWN.

'_He's the one who likes all our pretty songs,_

_And he likes to sing along…'_

Christopher Newitt wrinkles his nose in confusion.

"What even is this song?" he asks the girl on his right.

"I think it's Nirvana - don't know which song though. They said they're having a nineties weekend or something so I suppose they're going through grunge at the moment." Sophie Lancashire replies.

A drowsy quiet falls.

"Why does everyone always come to my house?" Teddy wonders aloud, abruptly breaking the silence.

"Dunno." Jennifer Greengrass says.

"It's nicest here." Chris tells him.

Teddy sits up. "What? How is it?" he demands.

"Just is."

"That is not a valid reason. I want valid reasons from all of you as to why we never hang out at your houses."

Sophie jumps in first.

"I'm muggle born," she says, "I can't have three wizarding teenagers with no knowledge of the muggle world in my house. Half of my family who visit have no idea that I'm a witch - they just think that I'm a bit weird."

"You are a bit weird, but valid reason all the same. Chris?"

Chris stalls for a moment.

"I live in a tiny terraced house in Sheffield. There's no room for everyone unless we all want to sleep in the same bed. So, Jen, want to come round to mine?"

"Piss off, Newitt." Jennifer scowls.

"At least I tried."

Teddy nods his head sympathetically.

"Yep," he says, "and failed miserably. So, Jen, what's your excuse?"

"I don't have one. We just all really like your house."

The other two make noises of agreement.

"I'm only here for your dad." murmurs Sophie with a wink.

"Please stop hitting on my dad, he's fifty-three and our teacher!" Teddy groans, burying his face in his hands.

"I only here for you're sister."

"For fucks sake, she's thirteen Chris!"

"But she looks about fourteen."

Teddy shakes his head in disgust and shudders slightly.

"Can we stop perving on my family members."

"I get what Sophie means, though. Your dad's well on his way to becoming a silver fox." Jen says tilting her head through thought.

"Makes Charms lessons far more interesting." Sophie grins.

"Glad to hear you enjoy my lessons, Sophie."

Remus Lupin stands in the doorway of the bedroom, his golden eyes twinkling with amusement.

Sophie's eyes widen with embarrassment.

"Professor!" she squeaks, "I-I wasn't -"

"It's alright. I'll pretend I didn't hear it. Please, we're not in school so you can call me Remus."

Teddy huffs irritably.

"Didn't you ever learn how to knock?"

"Nope. Must have missed that lesson of etiquette class."

Teddy rolls his eyes.

"_A mulatto_

_An albino_

_A mosquito_

_My libido_

_Yeah"_

"Good Lord, does _he _even know what he's singing?"

"It's grunge, dad. You're not supposed to know what they're singing."

"Well, I suppose if we had punk." Remus shrugs. "Anyway, tea's ready so wash up and come downstairs."

Remus turns around and leaves the room, Teddy can hear him calling his mother and sister in for tea as well.

"Oh God!" Sophie moans as she curls up onto her side, "I'm cringing! That was so horrible, do you think he'll find it funny that I said that?"

"No, but if he starts asking you back after Charms for special one on one lessons in the evening then you know to tell Professor Dumbledore." Chris tells her.

"Chris - my dad!" Teddy grimaces, "No, but seriously Soph my dad will hold that over you if ever he needs to blackmail you. He'll be dead proud that his students fancy him though, you'll be even more of his golden girl in Charms now. I swear he prefers you over me."

The song on the radio ends.

"I think that was their most popular song. Radio stations only ever play the hits. It's like saying your favourite band is the Weird Sisters but only knowing Can You Dance Like A Hippogriff." Sophie complains having recovered from her faux pas.

The four teenagers make their way downstairs to the dining room where Remus has placed a bowl of salad in the middle of the table and is currently dishing out plates of grilled chicken.

The dining room is a large but cosy space with an oak table draped in a leaf patterned tablecloth and walls decorated with paintings and an over spilling bookshelf.

Teddy sits next to his younger sister and can't help but chuckle slightly when he sees Chris and Sophie's ecstatic faces as his mother takes the seat between them.

Forty minutes later, as the last spoonfuls of Remus' homemade Eton Mess are, Chris remarks, 'eaten', the table has broken into several distinct conversations.

"I know that OWLs are meant to be _really _difficult, that Professor McGonagall, in particular, pushes you quite hard." Jennifer says with her spoon hovering between her mouth and her dish.

"Well, yes." Remus replies, "But as long as you really knuckle down and don't get into hard drugs you'll be alright."

Jennifer's face is blank for a moment before she presses on, "Is it true that a lot of employers are beginning to look at your O.W.L results?"

Further down the table Chris and Sophie are hanging onto every single one of Tonks' words.

"-the next morning I thought that had controlled my self pretty well until I looked at my pillow and noticed a face print - a face print made up of chili powder, cheese spread, moisturiser and toothpaste. I was right proud, and all, because I didn't have a hangover. It wasn't till later in Herbology when my head started pounding that I realised it was because I was still drunk when I woke up. Good thing I had Professor Sprout, though, she whipped me up a cure right away - I've heard that Professor McGonagall just leaves you to battle it out."

"Didn't you get in trouble?"

"Oh yes," Tonks nods, "I got a month worth of detentions for drunk and disorderly behaviour. It was fantastic - " Tonks falters seeing her husband' stern glare, "-ally stupid. It was fantastically stupid of me to get so drunk. Especially as I was underage and had school the next morning. Don't do alcohol."

Tonks smiles nervously to her husband who winks smugly.

Across from them Teddy is arguing heatedly sister.

"No!" he shouts. "No! The Holyhead Harpies have no chance of winning the premiership at all!"

"You only say that because you're sexist." Jane replies hotly, folding her arms.

"What?" Teddy splutters.

"You're just intimidated by an all women's team because they emasculate you and challenge your views of a patriarchal society."

Teddy blinks bemusedly.

"Wh-where did you get that from?"

"Jen and Sophie lent me a self help book."

Both Jennifer and Sophie smile wickedly towards Teddy.

"She's one of ours now." Jennifer whispers.

"What is it with girls and their obsession with feminism? It's like you just hate men!" exclaims Chris.

Sophie shakes her head. "We don't _hate_ men, we just - "

Jennifer interrupts Sophie with a wave of her hand.

"Perhaps if men weren't so fixated on quashing our ambitions and forcing us into the role of homemaker we wouldn't hate them!" she argues.

"What! Where do you even come up with this sh-crap?" Chris asks her.

"It was in my book: _Man's Best Friend is Dog, Woman's is Power_."

"You do know those books are just written by bitter old harpies who can't get laid, right?"

"You - !"

"Let's wash up!" Tonks announces loudly.

Jennifer swells. For a moment it seems as though she may explode all over the pristine dining room walls, and Remus actually grimaces as he anticipates the mess her innards will make. Instead she huffs loudly at Chris before standing up and holding her hands out for everyone's plates.

Teddy and Sophie assign themselves to washing and drying duty whilst the other members set about making the dining room presentable once again.

"So how long do you reckon before they start shagging?" Teddy murmurs to Sophie.

"You mean how long before Jen enlists Chris as her own personal man slave?"

"Well, yes."

"End of seventh year?" she offers.

"Really? That long?"

"Mmm-hmm. Romantic plot ends are always tied up right at the end of the story, e.g seventh year for us." she explains

Teddy mulls her response over for a moment.

"Nah. They can't wait that long before one of them jumps the other; I reckon sometime between now and the end of sixth year."

"Let's make a bet on it," Sophie starts to squirt Fairy Liquid into the bowl. "I bet you that they get together sometime during seventh year."

Teddy takes the Fairy Liquid from Sophie's hands and carefully sets it down on the worktop.

"And I bet you that they get together before then. How much are we betting?"

Sophie pauses as she mentally weighs up her savings.

"One galleon for each year that we wait. Meaning that if they got together today then you would win one galleon but that if they get together on exactly this day next year then you would win two galleons and so on so forth." she decides after careful deliberation.

"You're on!" Teddy agrees happily.

They shake hands, ending with bumped fists and Teddy smiles cheerfully to himself, sure that he has won the bet.

"You do realise that the payment method means that if you win you will get three galleons at the most but if I win I will definitely get four?" Sophie informs him after a couple of moments.

The smile slips of Teddy's face as quickly as Jen's pancreas would have slipped off of the wall.

"Damn."

"I know," Sophie sighs, "I should have bet by the month. Then I could have won…I could have won…".

"Forty-eight galleons." Teddy tells her quickly.

"Fine, so I'm not very good at maths - sue me." she huffs.

They wash in comfortable silence for a little while. Both of them are smirking over their own little victories.

Eventually Teddy decides to ask another question. A question that has been bothering him for a while.

"Soph?" he mumbles nervously.

"Mmm-hmm?"

"Say there's this girl, and please don't laugh, but say there is this girl, right. And you _really_ like this girl because, well, she's nice and she's smart and you can have a good laugh with her and you think she likes you back but you're not too sure because you've been mates for ages so she might just think of you as a brother: should you ask her out?"

"Ted, unless she actually is you're sister and you're talking about Janey hear - in which case, I love you and all but that is just wrong - then I think the chances are that she likes you back and you should ask her out."

"Really?"

Sophie smiles softly. "Yes," she says shyly, "because I'm pretty certain that she would say yes."

Breathing a sigh of relief Teddy says, "Great! I can't believe I'm going to ask Victoire Weasley out!"

Sophie inhales sharply causing a mass of bubbles to be sucked into her mouth.

"V-Victoire Weasley? You like Victoire Weasley?" she splutters, "You like Victoire Weasley," she says again, quietly as realisation dawns on her. "Of course you do, silly me. I have to go."

"Where? We haven't finished washing up."

"The toilet."

Teddy fixes Sophie with his natural grey eyes. She has soap suds in her curly hair and her hazel eyes are suddenly over-bright.

"Can't you hold it in?" he asks.

"No. I'm on my period, I can't hold nature in."

Teddy blushes crimson. "Right-o." he mutters gruffly. "You go toilet away then."

Sophie turns around and darts up the stairs to the bathroom where she locks the door shut behind then perches on the edge of the toilet seat and begins to sob.

Downstairs Chris and Jennifer are arguing.

"What I'm saying is that if a guy was to give one of these women a good bang then they wouldn't be writing these books." Chris resolves.

"Are you seriously that pig-headed?" asks Jennifer who is wiping down the table with a ratty old washcloth.

"No - "

"I think you are."

"I'm not - "

"Yes. Yes you are. You're so terrified of a strong woman that you can't handle it when you meet one and you're so insecure in your masculinity that you have to try to bring everything back to sex."

Jennifer folds her arms smugly, proud of her analysis.

"Jen, do you hear what comes out of your mouth? Because sometimes the things that come out are so stupid that I swear you're actually part troll."

"_I'm_ part troll?" Jennifer screeches, "You once got sent out of Transfiguration because when Professor McGonagall gave us a textbook that had 'analysis' in the title you kept laughing and said it said anal!"

"That was ages ago!"

"It was in fourth year!"

"You're just having a go at me because I'm a confident young woman and that scares you and all the other boys at school." Jennifer says coolly.

"No," Chris corrects her, "The lads at school are scared of you because they think you're a miserable lesbian who wants to rip their ball off."

The words fall like a slap across Jennifer's face. Once again she begins to swell with rage and again it looks as she may explode and coat Chris in a thick layer of intestinal juices.

"Hey, can you tell the others that Remus and I are just nipping round to his mum's and should be back within the hour?"

With Tonks' interruption the tension in the room dissolves almost immediately.

"Yes Mrs Lupin." Jennifer answers chirpily.

Christopher glances at her, thrown off by her sudden change in demeanour.

Jennifer waits until she hears the front door close to signal the departure of Remus and Tonks before turning to Chris and whispering in a cold and dangerous tone, "I'd sleep with one eye open from now on, Newitt."

With that she wheels around and darts from the dining room. She shoves past Teddy at the sink and carries on through the sunny kitchen to storm up the rickety staircase to the bathroom.

She raps on the door.

"Let me in, Sophie!"

"What? Why do you want to come in when I'm on the loo?" Sophie asks.

Jennifer swings her black hair behind her back. "I know you're not having a wee. There are no tinkling sounds."

"First of all -gross, and second of all -what if I'm doing something else?"

"Well I can't smell any untoward aromas so just bloody well let me in!"

Tapping her foot impatiently, Jennifer awaits the sound of the latch being undone. Eventually it comes.

"Have you been crying?" Jennifer interrogates the moment she is in the bathroom and has locked the door behind herself.

"No." Sophie answers thickly.

"Your mascara has run." Jennifer points out.

"Shut up!"

You know, trying to sound angry doesn't disguise the fact that you've been crying." Jennifer sits down in the empty bath and gestures for Sophie to do the same.

"What's stuck up your arse, anyway?" Sophie asks in an attempt to steer the subject away from herself.

"Lovely way of wording things, dear." remarks Jennifer, drolly.

"Is it Chris?"

"How did you guess?"

"I could hear the shouting from up here."

Finally Jennifer does explode with, Sophie would later say, the force of a Weasley's Wizard Wheezes rocket, and cries, "He's such a twat!"

"Really? I never noticed."

Jennifer gawps at Sophie. "How did you not notice? He's so - "

"Jen. I'm kidding."

"Oh."

"Can't you just try ignoring him?

"No I can't. I _hate_ him."

"But - "

"Didn't you hear me? _I hate him!"_

"I heard you Jen," Sophie says calmly. "It's just that you say that so often and then change your mind a couple of days later that 'I hate him' has lost all meaning."

Jennifer ignores her. "I know what we should do! We should have another feminist night the first weekend back at school!"

"Really?" Sophie asks, perking up. "Can we owl in with song suggestions for that feminist radio station on the WWN?"

"Yep. And we can eat chocolate too."

"And read Bridget Jones?"

"Yep."

"It feels kind of wrong - being a feminist but then aspiring to be like high powered versions of Bridget Jones. I'm not sure how but it just does."

"Can I join in?" A higher pitched Devonshire accent asks.

Sophie and Jennifer freeze before exchanging glances. They share a nod and both lift themselves out of the empty bath to unlock the bathroom door.

Outside, sat on the floor, Jane Lupin beams up at the two older girls. Thirteen years of age and already taller than her mother, Jane is the youngest of the Lupin family.

"How long have you been there?" Jennifer asks suspiciously.

"Since you declared that Chris is a twat." Jane informs them cheerfully. "I also know that you fancy my brother." she says pointing up to Sophie.

Jennifer snaps her head towards Sophie, eyes wide with disbelief and mouth gawping.

Sophie's face drops with shock for a moment before she begins to regain her composure.

"Is it that obvious?"

"Well, it is now that you've just told me. I was only guessing."

The little composure that Sophie has managed to salvage crumbles, leaving her staring off into the distance with embarrassment.

"So…can I join you?"

Jennifer's eyes narrow with an eerie air of someone making a plan.

"I don't now. Sophie, what do you think?"

Sophie, still annoyed with Jane for guessing then divulging her secret makes to retort angrily before catching a wink from Jennifer.

"What - ? Oh. _Oh! _Yes, I can't see why not. Of course, I reckon she'll have to prove herself."

"We're going home tomorrow," Jennifer informs Jane, "Report to us on the first of September for your details."

Jane nods excitedly. She scampers off down the corridor to her bedroom with a giggle.

"What are we actually going to do with her?" Sophie questions one she is gone.

"Not sure. I've always fancied having a house elf, though."

"She could be our apprentice. Ooh! She could bring us hot chocolate!" Sophie pauses, "This is all a little cruel, isn't it?" she asks, torn between worry and excitement.

"Oh yes," Jennifer replies matter-of-factly, "Yes, it's thoroughly reprehensible."

* * *

"I don't get girls!" Chris complains.

He joins Teddy who is stood alone by the sink with soap suds up to his elbows.

"I know. Sophie just ran out of the room telling me that she was on her…_period,_" Teddy says the word quietly as though scared of it, "and left me with the washing."

"Bloody mystery! Jen just threatened me then left me to finish the cleaning as well."

"I know, I heard all of the shouting. Help me with these, will you."

Teddy gestures to the pile of dirty dishes at the side of him.

"Do you have any gloves? I don't want the water to ruin my hands." Chris asks, looking at the water with a disgusted expression.

"Stop being such a pouf and just put your bloody hands in!"

"Hmph. Fine."

Outside the sun has begun to set and is throwing the kitchen into long shadows and golden patches of light. Teddy closes his eyes and tilts his head backwards against the warmth, enjoying the quiet.

"What is it with girls, though?"

Teddy sighs. He knew that the quiet could not last long with Christopher Newitt stood next to him.

"Dunno, maybe they're aliens." he jokes half-heartedly in an attempt to get his friend to shut up.

"Or maybe it's all the bullshit they're fed from the media and those damn self help books about female empowerment." wonders Chris, "I mean, I'm all for female empowerment and all - you know, equality and all that stuff. It's just that some of them don't want equality, they want to rule."

"That's a surprisingly clever observation, Chris." Teddy tells his friend proudly.

"I reckon that it's a ministry conspiracy. It'll be people like Dolores Umbridge imperiusing people to write these books so she can brainwash teenage girls into becoming part of her secret army."

"Is this going to be like the time you theorised that farts were ideas and letting them out meant losing them and the smellier the fart the better the lost idea?"

"No, it's not as good as that."

Teddy laughs slightly under his breath. "Please try to make up with Jen, though." he says to Chris. "If you don't then she'll moan to Sophie who'll moan to me then eventually get bored and tell Jen to shut up which will mean that Jen will moan to me instead and then I'll have all four of you moaning to me and I can't be arsed with that shit again."

"I'll try." Chris promises, "Oh - your mum asked me to tell you that her and your dad are calling at his mum's."

"That's where she says they're going." Ted grumbles darkly.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because once when they said that my momma called round here wile they were meant to be at her house and I know they couldn't have meant my mum's mum because she was holidaying in Torquay at the time."

"So where do you think they are going? Off for a quickie in a park bush?"

Teddy glares at Chris. "No! I think that they might be going off to see the Order of the Phoenix." Teddy finishes with a dramatic air about his voice.

"The what?" Chris says blankly.

"The Order of the Phoenix! It as a secret society that Dumbledore formed to fight Voldemort, my parents were in it with their friends during the wars and…I think it may have started again."

There is something grave in the way Teddy says the last part, almost in a whisper.

"That means he's definitely back doesn't it? You Know Who."

Chris asks. His voice also holds fear in it.

"Yes, and one day I'm going to fight against him."


End file.
